Labor Haze

Epidural Madness.  As a woman who had both of my babies at home without any drugs or epidurals, I do not understand the attraction. 

 As a doula, I have helped many women bring their babies into the world.  All but one labored in the hospital. All but two had epidurals and drugs. Weird.  You don’t take even an ibuprofen throughout the whole pregnancy, you eschew alcohol, yet, when it comes to a little pain, you say, HOOK me up.  I need something. I need something. I need something. I need drugs. I need drugs. I need drugs. I need an epidural.  I WANT an EPIDURAL NOW.   Ahh…. much better, now i can be fully awake, watch a movie and talk to my guests while my body does all the work and my baby gets thoroughly dosed with a large amount of narcotics.  And yes, for those of you who don’t want to give your baby drugs….. the epidural is a combination of a narcotic, like morphine and an anestethic.

this makes no sense to me.  perhaps there are those of you who can explain to me how painful childbirth is and how just lying there on your back with tubes running in and out of you is a better way to birth.

 my last birthing experience with a woman has changed my policies.  she had the perfect birth. she did what she thought was wonderful…but. come on.  everytime i have a women get to the point where the labor is taking off, when the baby could be moving down and out the moms wuss out and get the fucking drugs. I get so sick of seeing these incredibly strong and with-it women get all dosed up.  it might be less painful. but it taking the easy way out. it disappoints me.

 I raised my price to $650 per birth, this includes two pre-natal and two post-partum visits, but, if you go completely naturally, i will refund $200.  Also, where I used to stay during the painful part of “laboring down”  now i will leave.  The l & d nurses only real job is to administer drugs, take blood pressure, and tell the women she needs to push now.  It disgusts me.

 An article in the New York Times stated that 99% of all births in America take place in a hospital.  Of that remaining one percent only 1/3 are homebirths, with the other 2/3 taking place in a free standing birth center.

What the fuck people?  Men hate seeing their lovers in pain so they are down with dosing them up.  Nurses hate to have to work harder and hate hearing the screams so they are down with dosing.  And the doctors often want the easiest to manage birth which  means that they are down with dosing. The woman, god forbid she feel anything while giving birth, wants dosing up. 

It bugs me. It bugs me so much that I become damn near ineffectual after the laboring woman asks for an epidural. So, i decided I will just leave when that happens.  Each new client will know this when they hire me.  Maybe, the rebate will be an impetus for these women to make it over the hump. Maybe they won’t hire me.  Who cares?  Their babies won’t know any difference. 

Maybe there hasn’t been enough proof of the dangers of epidurals or maybe these women are just selfish fucks afraid of the pain of labor.